Clan groups are exogamous: that is, Hmong may not marry within their own clan group; a marriage partner must be found from another clan. For example, a Xiong may not marry another Xiong. Traditionally, when a boy wants to marry a girl, he will make his intentions clear, and will 'kidnap' her from her parents' house. This is traditionally only a symbolic kidnapping: the girl is allowed to refuse to go. It should be noted that this is an old tradition that is rarely practiced today in many Western Nations. The parents will not be told, but an envoy from the boy's clan will be sent to inform them of their daughter's location and her wish to be married. When the girl arrives at her intended husband's house, the head of the household will perform a blessing ritual for the ancestors to ask them to accept her into the household. She will not be allowed to visit anyone's house for three days after this. After three days, the couple will return to the girl's family's house and they will prepare a wedding feast at the girl's house, where they are married. Hmong marriage customs differ slightly based on cultural subdivisions within the global Hmong community, but all require the exchange of a bride price from the husband’s family to the wife’s family. The amount is settled by negotiation of the elders of both families prior to the engagement and usually is paid in bars of silver or livestock. Today, it is also often settled in monetary terms. After the wedding, the girl will be given farewell presents and three sets of new clothes by her clan. She will also be given food for the journey. The couple leaves the wife's house and returns to his house where another party is held in celebration.
When a husband dies, it is his clan's responsibility to take care of the widow and children. The widow is permitted to remarry, in which case she would have two choices: she may marry one of her husband's younger brothers/ younger cousins or she can marry anyone from the outside clan. If she chooses to get re-married, the children are not required to stay unless the husband's brother and his family are willingly to take care of the children. Then once they go to the step-father's side of the family there's a ritual ceremony where they will bring the kids into their spiritually clan.
Polygamy is also permitted among the Hmong, although it is not generally considered the ideal form of marriage. It is almost entirely restricted to the wealthier class, who are able to afford the costs of the large families that result. In the usual arrangement for this kind of marriage, the man lives with all his wives under the same roof. Polygamy is increasingly rare among those Hmong who have migrated to Western nations.
Divorce is rare in traditional Hmong society. However, if a husband and wife do decide to divorce, the couple's clan groups will permit a divorce, in which case the bride price must be returned to the husband’s family. By tradition, the man will get custody of all the male children regardless of the circumstances surrounding the divorce. If it is determined the woman had committed adultery, the husband will get custody of all the children; otherwise the wife will get custody of the female children. If a divorced man dies, custody of any male children then passes to his clan group.